Momma struggling again

So - I am struggling again. Being a new Mom is hard and being a new Mom in the hospital is arguably even harder. We do have the benefit of the highest paid babysitters in the world - but at a tough price.

Jac is doing very well. His flow needs are coming down for his lungs, he gained a good amount of weight tonight, and the temperature in his isolette is coming down. All good things.

But frustration has set in for me. I just want to be a Mom and do the Mom things that my instincts are telling me to do - that I can't.

Right now picking Jac up is a big deal and has to be done with all due consideration and with the help of at least 1 other person. When he is crying I can't just soothe him as I would like to.

Okay - enough complaining.

Status:

Isolette temp: set to 28.5. Jac has been warm each morning between 6 am - 9 am. This is a good sign as he is starting to get circadian rhythms that we all have and to differentiate night and day. He has been a bit warm for the last few days. I have noticed this when I am holding him in a blanket or in Kangaroo Care. We have been keeping our room (and his) fairly warm - right around 76 or 77 F. I turned it down a bit tonight to see if that helps him stay a bit cooler - and for me to stay cooler when he is on me.

Air: Jac's flow to his nasal cannulae has gone through quite a few changes since Friday. He went from the high flow nasal canulae at ~400 ml / min to the low flow nasal cannulae at 40 ml / min. He did not seem to tolerate the 40 ml so we moved him up to 100 ml. In this form of low flow there was no ability to regulate exactly how much oxygen he was getting as part of the flow. On Saturday we changed the setup to include a mixer so that the oxygen level cold be regulated again. As was explained to us tonight by the NNP this was probably not a good idea. Even though it is not possible to regulate the amount of oxygen in the original low flow setup they have charts that tell them how much flow means what percentage of oxygen Jac is getting - with the setup we switched to on Saturday they don't really know how much oxygen he is getting. So tomorrow we will go back to the original setup and see how it goes.

Growth: Jac gained 32 grams today which is awesome. As Joseph pointed out this was after 2 big diapers. That is a very good weight gain and we shall hope that he has turned the corner on his weight gain and will start gaining approximately this much each night.

Eating: We tried to feed him twice today. The first time he took 5 ml and this evening he took 2 ml. Not very good. This evening he seemed to want to have social time with me - when I tried to turn him a bit away into the position we have been taught to feed him in he started fussing and crying. When I turned him back toward me he perked up. I will ask the NAP team for help tomorrow and see if we can figure out how to get him bac on track with his eating.

Tummy: Jac's reflux seems to have been a bit worse in the last few days - and I am wondering if something I am eating is bothering him. I am going to eliminate caffeine and dairy from my diet for a week and see if that makes a difference in how comfortable he is with his feedings. With his food running over 1 hour and him being fed every 3 hours it seems he is always eating!